The Will Said What?!

Never, never, never appoint two executors to your Will because if they don't agree, your money will be tied up until the person you left everything to dies!  This is what happened to my mother-in-law when my father-in-law died.  

They had their Will prepared when they were in their early 70's so it would be easy for everyone when the time came.  They had a lawyer from the neighborhood, a very nice man who attended their church, make the Wills for them.  According to him, they wouldn't have to worry, he set it up so if he went first she would get all his money and if she went first he would get all her money with no hassles.  

It should have been a simple and easy Will, they had only every been married to each other and they had four wonderful children, the family was very close.  

Until Dad died.

Turns out they had appointed the two eldest sons co-executors so all decisions and payouts had to be approved by both.  

Well, that's fine.  The younger of the two lived nearby and had been taking care of Mom and Dad for the past 10 years.  He had always made sure they had everything they needed and that they were happy and well cared for at all times.

What she didn't know was that the oldest son had another side, one that she never suspected.  You see, years earlier he had married a very money hungry, selfish and self serving woman who was very crafty and manipulative.   The oldest son and his wife liked nice things and loved to travel, although they never invited mom or dad to come along.  Or came to visit for that matter, but always found the time to boast to them about the many trips they enjoyed.

When they came for the funeral they offered to help clean Dad's things out of the house, but once we got there the wife made sure to tell us what valuables she expected when Mom died.  We were appalled, we were still hurting from losing Dad and shocked by the heartlessness of her request.  Doesn't this woman feel anything for anyone?  She also made sure to take anything of value that belonged to Dad that Mom didn't specifically ask to keep.

The funeral was sad but lovely and although Dad was 86 we missed him terribly, especially his beautiful smile that would light up the room and his sweet demeanor would melt your heart.  He was a man that to know him was to love him because anyone who met him fell instantly in love with him.

It came time to straighten out the finances with the Will, etc.

It looked straightforward at first but there were some parts I didn't understand about a "family trust" that needed to be created, etc.  So we consulted a lawyer and he said it was the single worst Will he had ever seen.  It required that since the "family trust" has not been opened prior to death that the estate had to go into Probate.

Okay, so we let the lawyer take care of that, it took about a year.  All this time Mom living on only the money that was in her name as she was denied access to any monies that were in her deceased husband's name until after Probate.  

Probate's over and the two oldest sons need to sign the papers to allow Mom to receive Dad's money, so her son who's taken care of her all along signs and sends the papers to the oldest son and we wait.  

Well, the oldest son has decided that Dad wouldn't have wanted Mom to have the money or he wouldn't have set up his Will in this way, so he will not sign the papers.  WHAT?!?  Dad adored Mom and only wanted the best for her!  How could the oldest son say such a thing when he hadn't had a conversation with his father in almost 10 years?

Mom asks for the allowable living expenses she is allowed out of the money and again he denies her, telling her that he will not allow her to spend all of Dad's money.  

Hmmm?   So let's think about this a little bit.  Mom is in her late 80's and lives in a lovely CCRC that her oldest son thinks is too nice (meaning expensive) for her and due to great genes will probably live to at least 100.  I guess that means any money the oldest son thought he was inheriting would be depleted unless he keeps it tied up so she can't use what is rightfully hers.  

And nobody can do anything about it!

We take care of all of Mom's needs but I can only imagine the heartache that comes from knowing your firstborn son doesn't care enough about you to do the right thing and purposely hurts you just so he can have your money! 

Mom now says "Money is the root of all evil" she blames the lure of the money....not her oldest son and his wife.  

The sad thing is that she forgives them even though they've pretty much forgotten her.  She would welcome them with open arms if only they would visit.   

Please, when you make a will, make sure to only appoint one (1) executor to make sure the money goes where you want it to when you are gone.

I am not a lawyer, but my suggestion is that if you are married, make the executor your spouse and then appoint someone else for when you are both gone.  Choose a lawyer who specializes in estate planning and wills.  http://www.findlaw.com/

  

                  

Coastal North Carolina CCRC Retirement Options

I've been asked to research CCRC's near Coastal North Carolina and have found two great communities.

First is Cypress Glen Retirement Community in Greenville, NC 252-830-0036  http://www.cypressglenretirementcommunity.com/ 

Located at 100 Hickory Street, the community sits on 95-acres and offers options for independent living including 154 apartments and 41 cottages.  Residents have access to healthcare, 30 beds in assisted living, 30 beds in skilled nursing and 12 rooms in memory care.  The entrance fees seem very reasonable starting at $17,434 and monthly fees at only $1,338, according to the 2010 NCDOI publication.  Most of the CCRC's I've visited have a waiting list to get in so you want to call while you're still considering your options to get on the list.  They offer many options for refund should you move out, you can choose from fully declining a refund to receiving as much as 90% back.        

In CCRC's the entrance fees or buy-in fees are usually refundable should you choose to move out. 

The second option is Plantation Village in Wilmington, NC 910-686-7181 

 http://www.plantationvillagerc.com/?gclid=CM77rsHEg6oCFRQg2godsBnsxg

Located at 1200 Porters Neck Road, the community sits on a 56-acre wooded site less than a half mile from the Intercoastal Waterway.  They offer only independent living on property but have Assisted living and Healthcare nearby which they also own.  According to the 2010 NCDOI publication their entrance fees are $84,550 with month fees of $1,980 and they offer the traditional 90% and 50% refund contracts should you choose to move out.  

North Carolina publishes a handy guide to their Continuing Care Retirement Communities.  It's from the North Carolina Department of Insurance and it has a great deal of information.

http://www.ncdoi.com/consumer/consumer_publications/continuing%20care%20retirement%20communities/continuing%20care%20retirement%20communities%20reference%20guide.pdf

If I were asked to choose one of these properties I would be most interested in Cypress Glen, they offer everything I want in a community, have great pricing and payment options and are very well located.  

Get Grandma a Kindle

Grandma loves to read and she's having trouble seeing the words because the print is too small.  She tries to get the large print books but her library has a waiting list for those so she's always waiting for the books she wants to read or struggling with regular print books.  


Maybe we should get her a Kindle?     


The Kindle is easy to use and you can change the font to any size you want but will Grandma be able to use it?  


We got a Kindle for our Grandma when we noticed she wasn't reading as much as she had been.  When we asked her why she said it was because she couldn't see the letters clearly enough anymore and the Large Print books were always already checked out when she went to the library.


I can't express to you how much Grandma loves her Kindle and how easily she learned to use it.  The screen is so similar to paper that using the Kindle is as close to reading a paper book experience as you can get from and electronic reader and because the page isn't back lit it is easier on the eyes than using a computer to read.


Buying books can be done by using the Kindle or by going to the Amazon.com site and choosing your books there, then sending them to all your electronic devices (Kindle, iPad, iPhone, etc.)  This way we can share the books we read giving us the added bonus of having something new to discuss every time we get together.


Kindle books are about half what you'd pay for a hardcover book so bestsellers run about $12.99 but there is are many free books out there.  You also can't beat the convenience.  I can buy books and send them electronically to Grandma's Kindle even if she lived across the country.     



Another nice thing about the Kindle is that since small groups of people can share a book electronically, a book club could buy only one book and the whole club could read it at the same time!


Personally, I like going to Amazon.com to read about the books I am considering buying then downloading the free sample to read before I decide to commit to buying the entire book.  Most of the free sample e-books are quite generous and send you the entire first chapter to evaluate before buying and the great thing about the free samples is that once you read it there is a "buy" button on the last page so you can download the rest of the book right there while you're reading!  


We LOVE the Kindle and highly recommend it to anyone with difficulty reading small print.  


I've added a handy link below for anyone who wants to purchase this fantastic device.
  Happy reading!

  

What do we do about Mom?

Please visit this great story I posted about my experiences with finding appropriate housing for my elderly in-laws  http://hubpages.com/hub/What-do-we-do-about-Mom

What is a CCRC Continuing Care Retirement Community?

Many people have never heard of a CCRC Continuing Care Retirement Community.  In fact, I had no idea that they existed until just a few years ago when my mother and father in-law needed a little more care and I had to figure out the best way for them to continue to have an active lifestyle but still have the care they needed.

A Continuing Care Retirement Community or CCRC is a community where you live independently in your apartment or villa with the knowledge that if you need more help (nursing care, etc.) it's right there in your community...you don't have to move away from your friends.  Aside from that the communities have a similar atmosphere to a cruise ship.  There are activities all day ranging from crafts to dance to learning a language or learning to use the computer or playing cards or other games with a group.  There are also healthy living classes for aerobics, water aerobics and a gym.  There are usually community parties every month with dancing and parties for all holidays.

On property there will be a clubhouse, gym, pool, restaurant, party room, craft room, healthcare facility and walking trails all within easy walking distance from your condo.  If you have trouble walking all communities offer pick-up service to drive you in a golf cart to the clubhouse.  There are always people around to help you and all condo's have call buttons if an emergency arises and you need help immediately.  I've also noticed that residents are checked in on if they don't leave their condo in any 24 hour period.     

One of the ways I determine which community is best for me is to eat in their restaurant, you can tell a lot about a place by the food they serve.  If there are frozen fish sticks on the menu, I would probably look elsewhere.  Also, if the aroma coming out of the kitchen doesn't make your mouth water there is another reason to look at another community.     

Another great thing about CCRC's is that most will refund most of the initial buy-in back when you move out.    There are now some communities that don't require a buy-in they just charge a monthly fee.  Your monthly fees usually covers all on-property activities, housekeeping and 1 meal a day in the restaurant.  

All communities offer bus service to doctors, grocery shopping, church and off property events such as concerts, theater, trips, etc.