Are you ready?

When your parents get to a certain age, usually their 70's, they will need more help from you.  In an emergency, are you ready to provide the medical providers with information about your parent such as, what medications they're taking or what surgeries they've had in the past and what medical conditions they currently have?  

No?

Well, you're not alone.  

Sadly, most of us wait until something happens to a parent before we start to pay attention to their needs.  Here's what you need to do.  

First, keep an up-to-date list of their medications with the dosage, how often they take it and the medical reason for taking it.

Next, have a discussion with your parent and find out any medical conditions they currently have and write it down.  You'll need to know this in an emergency.  Do they have high blood pressure?  Diabetes, Asthma?  These are all questions you need to ask your parent.  If you find it difficult to discuss these things with your parent you could offer to take them to their next doctors visit and get their information from their doctor while they are being seen.  Also, make a list of all the surgeries they've had. 

That brings me to the next thing you need to know, who are their doctors, you need to have a list that includes phone numbers of every doctor they visit on a regular basis.  It also helps to have the name of their regular pharmacy and the phone number to call in prescriptions.

If you don't choose to be your parent's caregiver you will need to choose someone who can check in on them at least once a week to talk to them and find out if there are any medical issues that have come up.  

In my experience, most of the time your parent "won't want to bother you" with their day to day aches and pains so they don't tell you, until it's too late or becomes medical emergency.  If you or someone with medical or caregiver knowledge of your parent visits them at least once a week you can keep on top of any issues that arise and prevent emergency visits.

Unless that person is their spouse.....then you will need someone outside the house to go in and check on both of them.  Sometimes a parent will tell you when the other parent is having a problem but it is rarely an accurate appraisal of the situation.  On the other hand, you have the parent who doesn't want to bother you so they don't mention that dad has been delusional at times and talking about a mermaid sleeping on the chair next to him.  

I can't stress enough how important it is to have someone personally check things out at least once a week.  The person you choose to check in on your parents will need to spend at least a couple of hours time with them to get an accurate picture of how they're doing.  Another thing is that you'll want to check on them after dark occasionally because I've found that sometimes symptoms of delusion don't occur until the sun goes down.  For some reason nighttime causes some people to become very disoriented, so you'll want to check on that too.

As your parents age and need more care you will need to check on them everyday and at that time you may need an additional caregiver to help you.  Don't be afraid to hire outside help, they can be a lifesaver and there are many reputable companies that screen and train people for just that reason.  We used several companies but our best help came from Granny Nannies which offers services in Florida, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Kentucky, Ohio and South Carolina.    http://www.grannynannies.com/  

1-800-316-2669

So now you know what you need to keep handy to care for your parents.

1.  List of all current medications

2.  Names and phone numbers of all their doctors

3.  Name and phone number of their pharmacy

4.  What surgeries they've had

5.  Someone to check on them at least once a week    

    

Make good use of HOSPICE

Hospice is a term we're all familiar with but do you know what they do?

I had no experience with Hospice until a doctor recommended we call for my father-in-law.  He wasn't sick but he had been in the hospital for little things quite a few times that year.  He was in his late 80's and we figured that was just something we had to deal with on our own.....but I was wrong.  

I always assumed they were to be called when someone had no hope of recovery and only had weeks to live.  When the Hospice doctor came to evaluate dad he said we should have called sooner.  Within days the Hospice people had supplied us with a hospital bed, a lift to get dad in and out of bed, a wheelchair, and many, many other supplies too numerous to name and all of this for no charge!

Dad was placed on a schedule to receive visits each day from aids to care for him, clergy to talk with him and a doctor on call at all times.  The rest of the family were told that if they had any questions or needed someone to talk to about dad we could call at any time.

Hospice was handling his every need and making all of our lives so much better.  We had been taking care of all these things on our own for years before we found out about Hospice and it was getting VERY expensive.  

In my experience, the people who work for Hospice are the nicest, most compassionate, caring and knowledgeable people I've ever met.  They knew what to expect and gently guided us through the most difficult time of our lives and were by our side through the entire process.  

Our Hospice people were angels and I'll never forget them or everything they did for us and that's why I'm making sure that you all know how much they can help you.  

The criteria for qualifying for hospice is as follows:  If you answer yes to any of these questions, you qualify.  

1.  Is his or her treatment  no longer helping or working?

2.  Has he or she experienced one or more life-threatening infections during the past six months?

3.  Have there been multiple trips to the hospital or emergency room during the past year?

4.  Has there been unintentional weight loss and/or decreased food intake?

5.  Is there difficulty swallowing?

6.  Has there been a continued decline in his or her ability to function?

7.  Have you been told there's no further treatment available and care will now focus on providing comfort or relieving the symptoms, as opposed to prolonging life?  

8.  Do the patient's caregivers need support to help care for their loved one?

9.  Is there any expectation for a meaningful recovery?

10.  Has a medical professional given the patient a prognosis of six months or less?

If you're caring for a loved one and you need additional help, don't hesitate to call a Hospice near you.  When you choose a Hospice be aware that there are non-profit and for profit Hospices.  I don't know if it makes a difference but the Hospice we used was a non-profit.  

If you're are in the Central Florida area and reside in Orange, Seminole or Osceola County you are in the service are of the Hospice I used.  Words can not express my gratitude for how well they cared for Dad.  They are Hospice of the Comforter and as I said they are non-profit so if you are looking for a wonderful place to donate to a great cause, where you can really make a difference, look no further.

 http://www.hospiceofthecomforter.org/   

Here is a website to find a Hospice near you.

http://www.hospicenet.org/

               

    

Universal Walker Glides

We've all seen people with tennis balls on the legs of their walkers and wondered why there isn't something better to help the walker slide across the ground.

Well, there is!  The Universal Walker Glide or skis.  I found them at our local medical supply company and also Amazon.com has them online.  

We used these for Dad when he was using a walker and they last a very long time and don't mark or scratch the floors.  I don't know how people can use tennis balls on their walkers, they must have to replace them every week! And aside from that it just doesn't look nice seeing nasty, dirty tennis balls used as walker slides.

They're not just great inside, they work just as great outside on pavement, etc.  

If you or someone you love uses a walker, please buy Universal Walker Glides also known as Walker Skis.  It will make it so much easier to get around without falling.

A tiny investment to make someone's life much easier!

Please leave me comments below.  I welcome ideas for what you'd like to read.  

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The Will Said What?!

Never, never, never appoint two executors to your Will because if they don't agree, your money will be tied up until the person you left everything to dies!  This is what happened to my mother-in-law when my father-in-law died.  

They had their Will prepared when they were in their early 70's so it would be easy for everyone when the time came.  They had a lawyer from the neighborhood, a very nice man who attended their church, make the Wills for them.  According to him, they wouldn't have to worry, he set it up so if he went first she would get all his money and if she went first he would get all her money with no hassles.  

It should have been a simple and easy Will, they had only every been married to each other and they had four wonderful children, the family was very close.  

Until Dad died.

Turns out they had appointed the two eldest sons co-executors so all decisions and payouts had to be approved by both.  

Well, that's fine.  The younger of the two lived nearby and had been taking care of Mom and Dad for the past 10 years.  He had always made sure they had everything they needed and that they were happy and well cared for at all times.

What she didn't know was that the oldest son had another side, one that she never suspected.  You see, years earlier he had married a very money hungry, selfish and self serving woman who was very crafty and manipulative.   The oldest son and his wife liked nice things and loved to travel, although they never invited mom or dad to come along.  Or came to visit for that matter, but always found the time to boast to them about the many trips they enjoyed.

When they came for the funeral they offered to help clean Dad's things out of the house, but once we got there the wife made sure to tell us what valuables she expected when Mom died.  We were appalled, we were still hurting from losing Dad and shocked by the heartlessness of her request.  Doesn't this woman feel anything for anyone?  She also made sure to take anything of value that belonged to Dad that Mom didn't specifically ask to keep.

The funeral was sad but lovely and although Dad was 86 we missed him terribly, especially his beautiful smile that would light up the room and his sweet demeanor would melt your heart.  He was a man that to know him was to love him because anyone who met him fell instantly in love with him.

It came time to straighten out the finances with the Will, etc.

It looked straightforward at first but there were some parts I didn't understand about a "family trust" that needed to be created, etc.  So we consulted a lawyer and he said it was the single worst Will he had ever seen.  It required that since the "family trust" has not been opened prior to death that the estate had to go into Probate.

Okay, so we let the lawyer take care of that, it took about a year.  All this time Mom living on only the money that was in her name as she was denied access to any monies that were in her deceased husband's name until after Probate.  

Probate's over and the two oldest sons need to sign the papers to allow Mom to receive Dad's money, so her son who's taken care of her all along signs and sends the papers to the oldest son and we wait.  

Well, the oldest son has decided that Dad wouldn't have wanted Mom to have the money or he wouldn't have set up his Will in this way, so he will not sign the papers.  WHAT?!?  Dad adored Mom and only wanted the best for her!  How could the oldest son say such a thing when he hadn't had a conversation with his father in almost 10 years?

Mom asks for the allowable living expenses she is allowed out of the money and again he denies her, telling her that he will not allow her to spend all of Dad's money.  

Hmmm?   So let's think about this a little bit.  Mom is in her late 80's and lives in a lovely CCRC that her oldest son thinks is too nice (meaning expensive) for her and due to great genes will probably live to at least 100.  I guess that means any money the oldest son thought he was inheriting would be depleted unless he keeps it tied up so she can't use what is rightfully hers.  

And nobody can do anything about it!

We take care of all of Mom's needs but I can only imagine the heartache that comes from knowing your firstborn son doesn't care enough about you to do the right thing and purposely hurts you just so he can have your money! 

Mom now says "Money is the root of all evil" she blames the lure of the money....not her oldest son and his wife.  

The sad thing is that she forgives them even though they've pretty much forgotten her.  She would welcome them with open arms if only they would visit.   

Please, when you make a will, make sure to only appoint one (1) executor to make sure the money goes where you want it to when you are gone.

I am not a lawyer, but my suggestion is that if you are married, make the executor your spouse and then appoint someone else for when you are both gone.  Choose a lawyer who specializes in estate planning and wills.  http://www.findlaw.com/

  

                  

Coastal North Carolina CCRC Retirement Options

I've been asked to research CCRC's near Coastal North Carolina and have found two great communities.

First is Cypress Glen Retirement Community in Greenville, NC 252-830-0036  http://www.cypressglenretirementcommunity.com/ 

Located at 100 Hickory Street, the community sits on 95-acres and offers options for independent living including 154 apartments and 41 cottages.  Residents have access to healthcare, 30 beds in assisted living, 30 beds in skilled nursing and 12 rooms in memory care.  The entrance fees seem very reasonable starting at $17,434 and monthly fees at only $1,338, according to the 2010 NCDOI publication.  Most of the CCRC's I've visited have a waiting list to get in so you want to call while you're still considering your options to get on the list.  They offer many options for refund should you move out, you can choose from fully declining a refund to receiving as much as 90% back.        

In CCRC's the entrance fees or buy-in fees are usually refundable should you choose to move out. 

The second option is Plantation Village in Wilmington, NC 910-686-7181 

 http://www.plantationvillagerc.com/?gclid=CM77rsHEg6oCFRQg2godsBnsxg

Located at 1200 Porters Neck Road, the community sits on a 56-acre wooded site less than a half mile from the Intercoastal Waterway.  They offer only independent living on property but have Assisted living and Healthcare nearby which they also own.  According to the 2010 NCDOI publication their entrance fees are $84,550 with month fees of $1,980 and they offer the traditional 90% and 50% refund contracts should you choose to move out.  

North Carolina publishes a handy guide to their Continuing Care Retirement Communities.  It's from the North Carolina Department of Insurance and it has a great deal of information.

http://www.ncdoi.com/consumer/consumer_publications/continuing%20care%20retirement%20communities/continuing%20care%20retirement%20communities%20reference%20guide.pdf

If I were asked to choose one of these properties I would be most interested in Cypress Glen, they offer everything I want in a community, have great pricing and payment options and are very well located.  

Get Grandma a Kindle

Grandma loves to read and she's having trouble seeing the words because the print is too small.  She tries to get the large print books but her library has a waiting list for those so she's always waiting for the books she wants to read or struggling with regular print books.  


Maybe we should get her a Kindle?     


The Kindle is easy to use and you can change the font to any size you want but will Grandma be able to use it?  


We got a Kindle for our Grandma when we noticed she wasn't reading as much as she had been.  When we asked her why she said it was because she couldn't see the letters clearly enough anymore and the Large Print books were always already checked out when she went to the library.


I can't express to you how much Grandma loves her Kindle and how easily she learned to use it.  The screen is so similar to paper that using the Kindle is as close to reading a paper book experience as you can get from and electronic reader and because the page isn't back lit it is easier on the eyes than using a computer to read.


Buying books can be done by using the Kindle or by going to the Amazon.com site and choosing your books there, then sending them to all your electronic devices (Kindle, iPad, iPhone, etc.)  This way we can share the books we read giving us the added bonus of having something new to discuss every time we get together.


Kindle books are about half what you'd pay for a hardcover book so bestsellers run about $12.99 but there is are many free books out there.  You also can't beat the convenience.  I can buy books and send them electronically to Grandma's Kindle even if she lived across the country.     



Another nice thing about the Kindle is that since small groups of people can share a book electronically, a book club could buy only one book and the whole club could read it at the same time!


Personally, I like going to Amazon.com to read about the books I am considering buying then downloading the free sample to read before I decide to commit to buying the entire book.  Most of the free sample e-books are quite generous and send you the entire first chapter to evaluate before buying and the great thing about the free samples is that once you read it there is a "buy" button on the last page so you can download the rest of the book right there while you're reading!  


We LOVE the Kindle and highly recommend it to anyone with difficulty reading small print.  


I've added a handy link below for anyone who wants to purchase this fantastic device.
  Happy reading!

  

What do we do about Mom?

Please visit this great story I posted about my experiences with finding appropriate housing for my elderly in-laws  http://hubpages.com/hub/What-do-we-do-about-Mom

What is a CCRC Continuing Care Retirement Community?

Many people have never heard of a CCRC Continuing Care Retirement Community.  In fact, I had no idea that they existed until just a few years ago when my mother and father in-law needed a little more care and I had to figure out the best way for them to continue to have an active lifestyle but still have the care they needed.

A Continuing Care Retirement Community or CCRC is a community where you live independently in your apartment or villa with the knowledge that if you need more help (nursing care, etc.) it's right there in your community...you don't have to move away from your friends.  Aside from that the communities have a similar atmosphere to a cruise ship.  There are activities all day ranging from crafts to dance to learning a language or learning to use the computer or playing cards or other games with a group.  There are also healthy living classes for aerobics, water aerobics and a gym.  There are usually community parties every month with dancing and parties for all holidays.

On property there will be a clubhouse, gym, pool, restaurant, party room, craft room, healthcare facility and walking trails all within easy walking distance from your condo.  If you have trouble walking all communities offer pick-up service to drive you in a golf cart to the clubhouse.  There are always people around to help you and all condo's have call buttons if an emergency arises and you need help immediately.  I've also noticed that residents are checked in on if they don't leave their condo in any 24 hour period.     

One of the ways I determine which community is best for me is to eat in their restaurant, you can tell a lot about a place by the food they serve.  If there are frozen fish sticks on the menu, I would probably look elsewhere.  Also, if the aroma coming out of the kitchen doesn't make your mouth water there is another reason to look at another community.     

Another great thing about CCRC's is that most will refund most of the initial buy-in back when you move out.    There are now some communities that don't require a buy-in they just charge a monthly fee.  Your monthly fees usually covers all on-property activities, housekeeping and 1 meal a day in the restaurant.  

All communities offer bus service to doctors, grocery shopping, church and off property events such as concerts, theater, trips, etc.